What Does it Mean to Be Yourself?

By | September 29, 2015

Who are you anyway? Why are you here? What gives you joy? What makes you mad? 

Platitudes. Garbage.

I’m tired of all of these abstract questions but can’t seem to get away from them. I want to bring it down to a level that makes sense, that you can understand. I want you to once and for all understand, “What does it mean to be yourself?” But I can’t find that level of clarity today—or yesterday—and don’t foresee it coming tomorrow, either.

I’ve been on a “no sugar” diet for two weeks, and I think it’s making me cranky. Oh yeah, not just no sugar, but also no corn and no dairy. No cheese. You know how much I love cheese. All part of a protocol to get rid of some parasites in my system. Is it working? Not a clue. So far the symptoms (which I won’t get into, as this is not that type of blog) haven’t cleared up. But Dr. Phil has been a trust-worthy physician for my family for years, so I’m still betting that he knows what he’s doing, even though I’ve been ingesting Turpentine twice daily for two weeks.

These are what I've been taking lately. Looks a little overwhelming, I know.

These are what I’ve been taking lately. Looks a little overwhelming, I know.

(Call me crazy. That’s what it means to be me. What does it mean to be you? That’s the question we’re trying to delve into here.)

Have you ever felt down in the dumps?

This past week I seem to have lost all direction, and it’s starting to turn into a bigger existential crisis than I had anticipated. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know where I’m headed. I’m at the point of giving up. Not giving giving up. More stop caring giving up. Or stop trying for awhile giving up.

What’s my bigger purpose? Is it blogging? Is blogging part of it? I enjoy writing this blog, but hit my head against the wall over and over again (ouch) trying to figure out the “point.”

What value am I providing? Is it worth my time?

Would you vote with your dollars? If I put a “donate” button here, would you click on it?

For real?

It’s okay. I don’t expect money for nothing.

What I do expect is more from myself. I want to use my skills to help people. I want people to find value in what I’m putting out into the world. I don’t know how to best do that.

I seem to be stumbling backwards, repeating the same old cycles.

Sorry to be dumping on you. Sorry. Sorry… not sorry.

Can’t we be honest about who we are, how we see ourselves, without people getting concerned that we’re not being positive? or that we’re not portraying the person they thought we were?

Another day, I’ll write the rosy version of Myself. Today, I’m a harsh critic. The harshest. A judge of myself and my worth in the world.

What Does it Mean To Be Yourself?

It means having days where you feel the lowest, the crappiest, the worst, the most incompetent, the least motivated.

I tried to sketch it out today through a brainstorming session. Who am I? How do I spend my time? What defines me?

I held a brainstorming session on the floor today. Didn't get very far.

I held a brainstorming session on the floor today. Didn’t get very far.

I feel like I failed. The project, which I was so excited about earlier in the day, became a humongous chore that I didn’t want to finish. Here’s another type of list:

A sketch of what was in front of me at the coffee shop—my purse, a cup, and my phone.

A sketch of what was in front of me at the coffee shop—my purse, a cup, and my phone.

I’m an artist who needs more practice.

My Self is defined in so many different ways.

What Does it Mean To Be Yourself?

It means having a ton of different facets, without all of which you would not be complete.

You are comprised of:

  • Your daily behaviors
  • Your hopes and dreams
  • Your past (Golly. The things I’ve been learning about the past lately! I think that’s another reason I’m feeling so regressive. Look for a post about that in the future.)
  • Your life experiences
  • Your family
  • Your beliefs
  • Your fears
  • Your hobbies
  • Your work
  • Your challenges
  • Your strengths and weaknesses

So BEING YOURSELF means bringing all of these things with you everywhere you go. You might draw on them, ignore them, block them out, trust them, judge them, change them, use them, love them.

But no matter what, you are them.

Be yourself. Is it even possible to be anyone else?

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6 thoughts on “What Does it Mean to Be Yourself?

  1. Leah

    Hi Ev, I am a friend of dan and heidi from nmu apartments in marquette. I met you when you were visiting them once and I enjoy reading your blog. I appreciate your raw and honest thoughts, and your willingness to share them on your blog. It is inspiring!
    Best, Leah

    1. Ev Post author

      Hi, Leah. I remember meeting you; thanks for commenting! Hope all is well. 🙂

  2. Melissa

    Hi Ev!
    This is Melissa – I used to work at Designotype with your parents, Ruth Ann and Larry. Love your blog and am excited about the avenues you explore. I have a thought about the questions we ask ourselves. What if the statements we are meant to make aren’t “I am ____(fill in the blank)________,” but simply “I AM”? What if the adjectives and directives we make aren’t “Be ___(fill in the blank)_____,” but simply “Be”? What if we didn’t look for labels and definitions, but decided to “be”? Wouldn’t that be freeing? 😉

    1. Ev Post author

      Hi, Melissa. That’s an interesting perspective! Thanks for sharing this food for thought, and thanks for commenting!

  3. Heidi

    “The untethered soul” an audio book by Michael a singer. I highly rehcommend it.

Comments are closed.