… had such a hard time, thinking about leaving.
I threw myself an amazing going-away party on Friday, as I am leaving San Diego in less than a week. I’ll spend my remaining month in the States, visiting friends and family back in the mid-west.
But thinking about packing up from here and leaving all my new friends is very very sad for me. I’m going to miss all of them. I’m going to miss San Diego. And I’m especially going to miss my boyfriend. I knew it was going to be tough to say good-bye, (or, as they like to remind me, “see you later”), but I never thought that it would be so tough starting so soon!
Every time I think about it, I get this sickening, tight feeling in my chest. And if I don’t quickly make myself think of something else, I get all teary-eyed. And if I don’t manage to move on immediately, I start to cry. Just laying it all on the line right now. The morning of my going-away party was especially hard for me, because the entire theme of the day was that I’m leaving.
It’s a weird feeling for me. I don’t get homesick easily, and I’ve been gone from home many times over the years. So leaving a place that isn’t my “home” didn’t seem like it would be that tough, initially. Now I’m realizing that this is a place I started building a life that I would have liked to continue, and I am purposely uprooting myself, which is hard.
I think I’ve said this before, that I am excited for the future and know I’m doing the right thing. But it’s going to be difficult, and it’s starting way sooner than I ever expected.
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